"The $10,000 Club"

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Food for thought

HOLD THE NITRATES AND FILLERS, PLEASE.

3/11/11: 
You're picky about the car you drive. You're picky about what you wear. You're picky about what you put in your mouth. We want you to be pickier about what you think.
--- Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop in Napa, CA on Thursday, February 27th, 1997

http://www.abraham-hicks.com/lawofattractionsource/index.php?i=1

Abraham-hicks.com is set as my homepage when connecting to the web, thanks to my dear younger sister, therefore I follow the quotes on a daily basis.  Although very simple, I've found that this quote holds true to my heart. The fact that I'm making payments on a car I picked up from a second chance dealership doesn't make me picky about my whip. The fact that I wear clothes from the Fallas doesn't make me picky about what I wear either..well maybe a little, but I'm no label whore! What I put into my mouth? That's another story...

Each day my racing mind was turned on and tuned in upon waking to a station that spits useless information. My mind usually keeps me up at night/morning as well. I can say that my mind has a mind of its own. Before this quote emerged on my Macbook screen, I was vaguely aware of my thought patterns. I never before thought to stop, think, and rewire.

For instance, I'm at home doing dishes and suddenly The Situation from that utterly atrocious show Jersey Shore creeps up into my brain, and lifts his shirt to reveal the the washboard. Now,  these are thoughts that refer back to segments, okay I admit, episodes, I turn zombie for when I'm vegging on my cal king with the boyfriend.  I feel guilty and ashamed to admit I watch it, but it is what it is. The thoughts of the Sitch leads me into thinking about the other shit characters on the show. I said CHARACTERS not people, a major difference I wish everyone can understand. Which then leads me into thoughts of the fist pump, then to a nightclub in Vegas I've yet to party at, then the cocaine, oh the cocaine..and ecstasy..the raves and the flashing lights. Oh hey, that Lupe Fiasco song... Ya catch my drift? It's insanely ridiculous. The media is poisonous to my mental well being. As much as you'd hate to think, it is to yours as well.  $.25 Cup of Noodles are to the body as negative and empty thoughts are to the mind. It's cheap, it fills you up..full of empty carbohydrates and MSG. POISON.

I tell myself that I must make the wise choice to disregard negative thought patterns because they do, in fact, lead to negative emotions, which in turn leads to negative physical ailments in the body. It's the mind-body connection, baby! I'm aware that I must start a workout regimen, again,  in combination with meditation to maintain good health. I must rewire into affirmative thinking, which will lead to affirmative action, hmm... Good thought are like fruits and veggies, vitamins and minerals!

I will be aware of my "train" of thought. 

I will mentally shut up, therefore I will prosper. 

First class Amtrak from here on out; no more "freight train" in my brain.

Denying your intuition

After all that's happened tonight, as well as in the past, I've come to the conclusion that denying your intuition takes you two steps back, away from your main purpose and overall positive direction in life, and it blinds you, with each careless shrug of the shoulders.  When I go against my gut feeling, and continue to do something I feel goes against my true will, whether it be for me or someone else, I feel as if a veil is place over my head and the situation becomes cloudy and my thoughts become foggy. It's as if I were going about my business with an accumulation of plaque built up in my brain. It's a feeling so subtle yet so spiritually damaging. This is my best logical reasoning as to why I continue to get the shit end of the stick.  I attract the most negative circumstances.

People talk about the law of attraction, which is really just a glorified expression of an occultist's mindset. I find it extremely difficult to maintain a positive attitude and to believe in the positive outcome of every situation.  As much as I hate this word, KUDOS to those who do.  As much as I'd like to be that happy-go-lucky gal strolling down the street, I just don't see it in my path.  Is this depression? Perhaps everything I've experienced from 2007-2009 has lead me in the path of complete negativity which in turn ends up in my uncontrollable, righteous self destruction. This illusion of my proclaimed karmic conspiracy has me thinking that all the times I've denied my intuition, the Universe denies me of my wants and needs..my wants more so.   I walk into a grocery store and hope my trip ends smoothly.  I pick out the shittiest cart. I leave a message on an answering machine hoping to not fuck up the message.  Waddayano? I flub it up.

But seriously, the law of attraction is real. I think, therefore I am. I know, that "energy goes where my thoughts flow," but how do I deal with my negative thoughts when it seems..it seems, so hard to think positive?  I picture it as my low vibrational waves trying to aim at becoming higher, something more, something simply better...something it is not and something I am not, YET.

Along with my editing of this post I included a quotation from abraham-hicks.com that was posted today:

Whatever you are giving your attention to is already vibrating. And when you give your attention to it, if you maintain your focus for as little as 17 seconds, you begin to include its vibration, whatever it is, in your vibration. When you see something you want, and you give it your attention, and you say yes to it, you are including whatever its vibration is in your vibration. When you see something you do not want, and you shout no at it, you are including whatever its vibration is in your vibration. In this vibrational world, which is everything, you are far more vibrational beings than you are verbal beings. You are communicating with everyone far more on a vibrational basis, than you are on a verbal basis.
--- Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop in Portland, OR on Sunday, July 11th, 1999

Yup, Abraham knows what's up.

Darth Vada

I have an unusual bedtime. My circadian cycle is pretty off in accordance to nature.  I'd love to be an early riser who wakes up in time to conjure up a cup of herbal tea and watch the sun rise each morning.  Although I do have the option of staying up until the sun rises, for instance, times when I come home at 5 am, I know it wouldn't be as fulfilling. I live in an apartment complex where any type of view is pretty much nonexistent. 

As I was laying in bed last night, I was recalling the last blog I wrote about possibly changing my name, thinking that I'd somehow gain and lose different parts of my personality I was unhappy with. Then I thought, "what the fuck, I just made myself sound like I have some borderline personality issue. I better delete some parts of that post." I made a rule for myself though- once published, you cannot delete. I have the tendency of making assumptions about myself based on an online self diagnosis. This is something one should NEVER do.  However, I do find it ironic that when in the club, men sometimes crack jokes when I shout my name over the loud speakers. "Hi I'm Vada." "Oh, as in Darth Vada?" This is what irks me:

In 2007, a group of French psychiatrists and psychologists "diagnosed" the Star Wars character, Darth Vader, as having six out of the nine symptoms of borderline personality disorder. Now I have not seen any of the Star Wars films, ( I know), so I don't know what to think of this observation. I do find it pretty fucking pathetic that these French doctors are diagnosing a fictitious character.  It got irritating after about the fifth or sixth time hearing it in the club. Even my manager jumped the wagon.  I'll admit though, it makes a pretty damn good user name : ) So that's the story behind that. 

Btw, I chose "Vada" after Anna Chlumsky's character in the movie "My Girl." 

Blogger as therapy

It's been almost five months since I've visited blogger.com. I figure, aside from using blogging to aid in keeping track of my search for my higher being, I can also use blogging as emotional therapy. I'm looking for different ways to channel my unpredictable emotions, for writing may be a great coping mechanism, and something I must do on a day to day basis.

I have the tendency to come up with an idea, start a project, or look into a subject that interests me at that moment in time, learn the basics, and then forget all about it. I can understand why I lack confidence and why I've depleted my self esteem. I never gave myself a chance to become proud of who I was or what I have accomplished.  Looking back into the past (something many say you shouldn't do when it comes to evaluating and criticizing the present..some thing I do EVERYDAY) I realized that I was never head strong or someone who I'd call a leader of their own life. Since childhood, I've had others make decisions for me even if it didn't make ME happy.  I've come to learn that I SHOULD PUT MYSELF AHEAD OF EVERYONE ELSE, AND MAKE DECISIONS BASED ON HOW I'D WANT TO MOLD MY UNIVERSE..AN ABUNDANCE OF HAPPINESS AND SELF WORTH. 


Now, on with the deprogramming.