Denying your intuition

After all that's happened tonight, as well as in the past, I've come to the conclusion that denying your intuition takes you two steps back, away from your main purpose and overall positive direction in life, and it blinds you, with each careless shrug of the shoulders.  When I go against my gut feeling, and continue to do something I feel goes against my true will, whether it be for me or someone else, I feel as if a veil is place over my head and the situation becomes cloudy and my thoughts become foggy. It's as if I were going about my business with an accumulation of plaque built up in my brain. It's a feeling so subtle yet so spiritually damaging. This is my best logical reasoning as to why I continue to get the shit end of the stick.  I attract the most negative circumstances.

People talk about the law of attraction, which is really just a glorified expression of an occultist's mindset. I find it extremely difficult to maintain a positive attitude and to believe in the positive outcome of every situation.  As much as I hate this word, KUDOS to those who do.  As much as I'd like to be that happy-go-lucky gal strolling down the street, I just don't see it in my path.  Is this depression? Perhaps everything I've experienced from 2007-2009 has lead me in the path of complete negativity which in turn ends up in my uncontrollable, righteous self destruction. This illusion of my proclaimed karmic conspiracy has me thinking that all the times I've denied my intuition, the Universe denies me of my wants and needs..my wants more so.   I walk into a grocery store and hope my trip ends smoothly.  I pick out the shittiest cart. I leave a message on an answering machine hoping to not fuck up the message.  Waddayano? I flub it up.

But seriously, the law of attraction is real. I think, therefore I am. I know, that "energy goes where my thoughts flow," but how do I deal with my negative thoughts when it seems..it seems, so hard to think positive?  I picture it as my low vibrational waves trying to aim at becoming higher, something more, something simply better...something it is not and something I am not, YET.

Along with my editing of this post I included a quotation from abraham-hicks.com that was posted today:

Whatever you are giving your attention to is already vibrating. And when you give your attention to it, if you maintain your focus for as little as 17 seconds, you begin to include its vibration, whatever it is, in your vibration. When you see something you want, and you give it your attention, and you say yes to it, you are including whatever its vibration is in your vibration. When you see something you do not want, and you shout no at it, you are including whatever its vibration is in your vibration. In this vibrational world, which is everything, you are far more vibrational beings than you are verbal beings. You are communicating with everyone far more on a vibrational basis, than you are on a verbal basis.
--- Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop in Portland, OR on Sunday, July 11th, 1999

Yup, Abraham knows what's up.